The Adventures of Might Guy!
by Happy Lil' Tidbit
Summary: When Lee shows Gai his name in an English Copy of the Naruto manga, Gai decides that he must be a super hero! Hillarity is sure to occur in this super adventure! Probably Major OOC. :head desk: Will somebody please review this thing? Oh! you did! Yay!
1. The Discovery

Chapter 1

**A/N: I could so picture Lee and Gai pulling this off. XP**

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I just thought I should let you know.

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Maito Gai was walking towards the Ninja Academy when an hysterical Rock Lee came running towards him, waving an English-translated Naruto manga volume over his head.

"Gai-sensei! Gai-sensei! You will never believe this! They got your name wrong!" he cried out in panic.

"Let me see that!" Gai said as he took the graphic novel from his young pupil.

Lee ran behind Gai, looked over his shoulder and started jabbing his finger into the pages. "See?! See?! See?!" he shouted. "Right there! They called you Might Guy instead of Maito Gai!"

Gai's eyes widened. "Holy -"

The rest of his outburst could not be heard however, because a heard of loud bulls came charging in front of them and you couldn't lip-read what he was saying either, because the dust clouds that the bulls kicked up were too thick to see him through. So Gai's ending to that statement shall never be heard, not even by Rock Lee, because even though he was standing right behind him, the bulls were too loud. And since he was standing behind him, he couldn't bother lip-reading.

"It is a good thing that those bulls came through," Lee declared as he got his messed-up hair back into the bowl cut, "or else I would have been looking more shaken up than that."

"Wait a minute!" Gai exclaimed. "Maybe my name was changed to Might Guy to show that I'm a super hero!"

"I do not follow," Lee said, scratching his head.

"You know! In those comic books you youths are always reading?!" Gai began. "The super hero's name always ends with 'man'! You know, like Superman, or Batman, or Spiderman?!"

"I still do not get it," Lee replied.

"Just listen, my youthful student!" Gai said with a hearty slap on the back. "You see, instead of being run-of-the-mill, I am a 'guy' instead of a 'man', so being thus, I am Might Guy, instead of Might Man!"

Lee smiled brightly. "Oh, I see now! But . . . what does a Might Guy _do_?"

Gai tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm . . . well, I probably save the day."

"But _how_?" Lee asked.

"Well, probably how the name implies, of course!" he answered. Then he flashed his trademark grin and thumb's-up. "With Might Power!"

Lee raised a bushy eyebrow. "Might Power?"

"Yes! The Power of Might! It's a strong power that equals, if not triumphs, chakura!"

"Wow!" Lee cried, realizing that since he couldn't use any chakura-needed jutsu, this was right up his alley. "What is this Power of Might?"

"It's part bluff, part winging it and part sheer luck," Gai explained.

"Do you think you could teach it to me?" Lee asked hopefully.

"Of course you shall learn it!" Gai replied happily. "For you shall be my sidekick!"

"That is excellent!" Lee shouted. "What is my super name?"

"Well, it has to sound good with Might Guy, so what about Could Kid? No, wait . . . Could Lad! That sounds even better!"

"Could Lad? I like it!" Lee beamed.

"Now that we have our super names and power, we can start saving Konoha!"

"No, we cannot Gai-sensei! We need one more thing!" Lee shouted.

Gai gasped. "You're right, Could Lad!" Then he pointed dramatically to the left. "To the linen closet!"

Then Gai and Lee ran to Gai's apartment.

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**A/N: So how was that chapter? I'll stick the second chapter up soon!**


	2. Trouble at the Ramen Stand

Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again! Did anybody miss me? I finally got around to putting this up. It now officially picks up!**

Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto.

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Maito Gai and Rock Lee walked out of Gai's apartment wearing the most ridiculous get-ups you could ever see. But sadly, this is fanfiction, so I'll just have to do the best I can to describe it to you.

Gai, a.k.a Might Guy, was still wearing his green jumpsuit, but he hot-glued a red, felt M and G to the front. He also safety pinned a red towel around his neck. Lee however, not worthy of cape level just yet, had a chromium football helmet without the face guard that had "C L" written on top of it in red magic marker. They each donned Dollarama black masks that made it seem as if they just came back from a raid involving the McDonalds' Hamburgler. It kind of made you wonder whose side they were on; the maniacs', or the crazy peoples'.

"Now we're ready to fight some serious crime!" Gai said in a heroic voice.

"I didn't know that you played highschool football, Gai-sensei," Lee said, referring to the football helmet.

"I didn't play football," Gai stated. "I was the equipment manager!"

Lee put his hands to his head in panic. "_You stole a spare_?!"

Gai smiled. "I didn't_ steal_ a _spare_. I _borrowed_ _Kakashi's_."

Lee relaxed. "Oh, well if it is _borrowed_ then I guess it is okay."

"Yeah, just don't mention any of this to him. Now let's go save the day!"

They ran down the hall, a few flights of stairs and another hallway, until they finally barged out the front door.

"Do you see any crime, Might Guy?" Lee asked as Gai scanned the horizon.

"Nothing yet . . . wait! I see a small commotion over at the ramen stand! Let's go!"

They ran over to the ramen stand where Naruto was arguing with the ramen man.

"But you said if I could come up with a new ramen flavour, I could have free ramen!" Naruto shouted.

"I said it had to be a _good_ flavour!" the ramen man said, crossing his arms. "And ramen with chocolate chips and strawberry ice cream is _not_ a good flavour!"

"Just what seems to be the problem?" Gai asked, striking a heroic pose.

"Just what are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"Well, I just _might_ be saving the day, because I'm Might Guy!"

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"And this is my trusty sidekick, Could Lad!" he continued, pointing at Lee.

"I am Could Lad!" Lee said heroically, as well.

"So _that's_ what happened to Kakashi-sensei's football helmet," Naruto mused.

"That's not Kakashi's football helmet!" Gai cried, waving his arms around in panic.

"But you said that it was, Might Guy," Lee pointed out.

Gai put his hand over Lee's mouth. "He's a funny sidekick, isn't he? I don't know how he comes up with half the stuff he says!"

A few muffled sounds came from Lee.

"So what seems to be the problem?" Gai asked again, ignoring the fact that Lee was trying to get his hand off of his face.

"Well, this kid thinks that I should give him free ramen for a completely disgusting idea," the ramen man explained.

"Hey! The sign said that whoever can come up with an idea for a new ramen flavour gets free ramen for a year!" Naruto cried.

"No! The sign says that whoever can come up with the _best_ idea for a new ramen flavour gets free ramen for a year! It's a contest!"

"Well, I _might_ be able to solve this problem," Gai said.

"Do you think that you _might_ be able to let the kid breathe?!" the ramen man cried, referring to a literally blue-faced Lee.

Gai looked at Lee who's mouth was _still_ covered and smiled. "Awesome super power, Could Lad!"

Lee then passed out and hit the ground.

"Good thing he was wearing that helmet," Naruto declared.

"Poor, Could Lad. He died a horrible death!" Gai exclaimed dramatically.

"He's not dead!" Naruto yelled.

"Mortally wounded!"

"He just passed out, Creepy Towel Guy!"

"But he _might_ be hurt!" Gai replied. He scooped Lee up and started running towards the infirmary. "Don't worry, Could Lad! Help is on the way!"

The ramen man raised an eyebrow. "Whoever that guy was, he's been watching _way_ too much Monty Python."

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**A/N: And that's the end of chapter 2! Will Lee pull through? Will Naruto get his ramen? Tune in next week (or month) to find out when our favorite heroes return in another exiting episode of . . . The Adventures of Might Guy!**


	3. In Which Could Lad Saves Sakura

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**A/N: Reviews! Beautiful reviews! Hey, kids! Sorry about the long wait. You see, the dreaded evil school has kidnaped me, but I have managed to escape to give you the next chapter of The Adventures of Might Guy! (Pretend Live Studio Audience and Maybe Some of You: Yay!) . . . . Anyways, when we last left our heroes, Could Lad was whisked away to the hospital after he turned blue. . . .**

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Lee woke up in a bed in the hospital, still wearing his sidekick outfit. "Wha- ?"

"Could Lad! You're alive!" Gai, who was still in his costume as well, cried. "Everybody else thought that you were a goner, but I _knew_ you could pull through!"

"What are you talking about?" a nurse suddenly said. "We've been telling you that he just passed out and would be fine, while _you_ were mourning about how you've lost a sidekick!"

"Heh, heh. Everybody's a comedian," Gai stated innocently.

"What happened?" Lee asked as he sat up.

"You fainted after you used your super power of turning blue!" Gai explained.

"My superpower is turning blue?" Lee asked. "Wow! Maybe I shouldn't breathe as much from now on!"

"No! You have to breathe!" the nurse screamed. "What kind of game are you two playing anyway?!"

Gai stood up. "This is no game, ma'am! For I am Might Guy! And this is my trusty sidekick, Could Lad!"

"Hi!" Lee said, waving his hand in the air.

The nurse rolled her eyes. "Well, I don't want to see you in here anymore!"

"Not to worry! We're super heroes! From now on, we will never need to set foot in here again!"

"Might Guy, why are your fingers crossed behind your back?" Lee asked.

"Oh, no! Now there's something wrong with your eyesight!" Gai cried. "Nurse!"

"There's nothing wrong with him!" the nurse yelled. "Just get out!"

With the fact that the nurse looked like she was about to throw something sharp and heavy at him in his mind, Gai grabbed Lee's arm and ran out of the hospital. "It's a miracle! You've healed! Thank you, oh wonderful nurse!"

When they were outside, our two heroes were gasping for breath, because they had yet again, taken the long way down the stairs.

"So here's what I think we should do," Gai declared. "We should split up to cover more ground for crime!"

Lee saluted. "I shall not let you down, Might Guy!"

"Excellent! I shall meet up with you at The Secret Hideout of Youth in one hour!"

They began to walk in opposite directions. Lee couldn't find any trouble, but after a while, he remembered something from the comic books and movies.

You see, Lee remembered that super heroes (or side kicks) usually help the beautiful girl in distress. On top of that, he also recalled the part where the hero gets a kiss for helping the poor girl.

Lee took off running. He knew a beautiful girl whom he'd like nothing better than a kiss from. It all came down to one thing: was she in trouble?

He eventually found her yelling at a begging Naruto.

"C'mon, Sakura! I'm starving over here!" Naruto pleaded.

"For the last time, _no_!" Sakura shouted.

"But I'm hungry!" he whined.

"Weren't you just over at Ichiraku's a few hours ago?" Sakura asked.

"I didn't have any money and they didn't appreciate my idea for dessert ramen."

"Is that the ramen that you put the ice cream and the chocolate chips in?" Sakura asked, looking disgusted.

Naruto smiled proudly. "Yup."

She hit him over the head. "Idiot! _Nobody_ appreciates that!"

They were almost at the tree that Lee was hiding behind. He took a deep breath. It was now, or never.

He jumped out from behind the tree. "What seems to be the problem, here?" he asked in a super hero kind of way.

"What happened to Creepy Towel Guy?" Naruto asked.

"That is _Might_ Guy!" Lee shouted.

"You look familiar . . . Lee, is that you?" Sakura asked.

"I am not Rock Lee! I am Could Lad! Trusty sidekick of Might Guy!" he said, pointing to the red C and L on his helmet.

"Is that Kakashi-sensei's football helmet?"

"It _could_ be, Sakura!" Lee replied with a thumb's up. "Now, what _could_ I do for you on this fine day?"

"Lee, what are you doing?" Sakura asked.

"I am not Rock Lee! I am Could Lad!" he repeated. "But while we're on the subject of Lee, he wants to know if you would like to go out with him tonight. He says that he loves you!"

"For the last time, no!" Sakura yelled. "When will he - I mean _you_ - get that through your head?!"

"Never," Lee answered. "Well, can I at least save you?"

"From _what_?" Sakura asked, throwing her arms in the air.

"Wasn't Naruto just giving you trouble?" he replied, pointing at Naruto who went back to talking about his idea of dessert ramen, even though nobody was listening.

"Well . . . yeah, but-"

"Then it's settled!" Lee decided, cutting Sakura off. He picked her up. "Do not worry, Sakura! I'll protect you!"

"Lee? Lee! Put me down! Right now! Do you hear me?!" Sakura shouted as Lee ran off, carrying her in his arms.

A very faint, "Wait a minute! Is that Bushy Brow?!" could be heard behind them.

"Do not fear! We're almost safe!" Lee cried, still running.

"Rock Lee! Put me down! Stop!" she continued, now kicking and punching him.

"Calm - oof! - down, Sakura! I know - ow! - that you are - ouch! - worried, but I promise that - ack! - you are safe!"

"Which is more than I can say for you once you put me down!" Sakura threatened.

A short while later, a black and blue Lee finally put Sakura down on the other side of Konohagakure.

"What the heck was _that_ about?" Sakura cried.

"I'm a super hero! I must help whoever I can!" Lee explained.

"I didn't need help!" Sakura shouted.

"But I helped you right?" Lee asked.

"Against my will!" she cried.

The two stood there for a minute, until Sakura finally said, "What are you waiting for?!"

Lee blushed. "A kiss."

"Eww! Forget it!" she exclaimed.

"But why?"

"There is no way I'll ever kiss you!" she stated, walking off.

"It doesn't even have to be a big one!" he replied, following her.

"No!"

"You can just blow a kiss!"

"Never!"

"Can I kiss you then?"

"Hell, no!"

This argument went on for hours on end (Gai even considered organizing a search party to find him, because Lee was gone so long.), until Lee and Sakura were walking into the sunset (which Gai is going to kill him for sharing), still arguing over a kiss.

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**A/N: So how was that? It's a tad longer than the others, which I thought you would enjoy. I have a cold, so the next chapter might take a while to put up, unless you want a crackfic. (Looks above at story) You know what I mean. Will Sakura ever kiss Lee? Will Gai **_**strangle**_** Lee? Tune in next week for another exiting chapter of . . . The Adventures of Might Guy!**


	4. The Maybe Mobile

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**A/N: Yes! I finally updated! I was going to sooner, but I started up some other projects (I'm on a community for "Everybody Kills Off Sasuke!"!), so it took a while. Sorry for the long wait.** **However, this is probably the best chapter yet.** **Winter-Rae gave me the idea when she suggested I have Lee say some random things like Robin did in the old Batman series**. **This chapter is dedicated to you, Winter-Rae!**

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The next day, Lee and Gai were sitting in Gai's apartment, A.K.A. The Secret Hideout of Youth. It was a slow day and the two were in desperate need of an idea that would result in a chapter.

"You know, Could Lad," Gai began as an idea that matches the description above came to him, "we could use a mode of transportation."

"That is a good idea, Might Guy," Lee agreed. "But what sort of transportation should we use?"

Gai leaped to his feet. "There is only one mode of transportation that we can use! Quickly, Could Lad! To the garage!"

XXX

Sitting there on the road was a green sports car. It was a three hundred horsepower with eight cup holders. It shone in the sunlight, and when that engine roared, it was like it was saying, "You want some of _this_?!"

Then it drove down the street to reveal what Gai _really_ _did_ have in his garage.

"Wow! A pink bicycle!" Lee exclaimed. "Who let you borrow _this_?!"

"Uh, somebody," Gai answered, "but they, um, died."

"That is terrible!" Lee cried, not realizing that it was actually Gai's bike and that he was lying. "The poor little girl."

"They died happy, stop worrying," Gai said. "Shall we take it for a test run?"

"Yes, but where am I supposed to sit?" Lee asked, for it was only a one-person bike.

'Where do you think? In the basket, of course!" Gai answered, pointing to the woven basket with a pink flower on it at the handle bars.

"Are you sure that is safe?" Lee asked. "I am pretty sure that I will obstruct your view."

"So then you'll tell me which way to go."

"If you say so, Might Guy . . . "

"Excellent!"

When Gai was on the seat and Lee was in the basket, they rode out of the garage and down the street.

Now before you read any further, picture this: a full grown man wearing a towel as a cape as well as having a red, felt M and G hot glued to his front, while pedaling a pink, feminine bicycle as his younger look-alike had his butt stuck the basket as he wore a chromium football helmet with a C and L written on it with red magic marker while screaming, "LEFT! LEFT! NO, YOUR OTHER LEFT!!" as they both wore cheap, black masks, green jumpsuits and orange legwarmers.

As they pedaled down the streets, there were many reactions to this sight. Some laughed. Some screamed. Some stood there as their jaws dropped. Some covered their young children's eyes.

It was around this time that our favorite duo faced their first problem upon the Maybe Mobile; Gai couldn't tell his left from his right. This probably explained why Lee was screaming, "LEFT! LEFT! NO, YOUR OTHER LEFT!" from the basket up front.

If you were on the second floor of a building watching it through a window, you'd probably find this hysterical. However, the citizens on the streets didn't exactly appreciate the humor of the situation. All within five minutes, Gai managed scatter eight groups of people, hit every trash can, and narrowly missed hitting a squirrel.

"Might Guy, I really think that this is not going over so well," Lee stated, turning an even whiter shade of pale.

'What was that, Could Lad? I can't hear you! People are screaming too loudly!"

The terror went on for a while longer until eventually, Konoha's miracle in the form of an oversized red towel, A.K.A. Gai's cape, came to the rescue.

You see, Gai's cape was flapping in the breeze, trailing behind the bike.

Where the back wheel is.

Being thus, as the back wheel was spinning, it eventually snagged the towel and it flipped the bike over, sending Gai and Lee flying over and as luck would have it, over a very steep and tall cliff that came out of nowhere.

Luck decided to give Lee a break, so he managed to grab onto a root that stuck out of the cliff side as he began to fall to his doom. Gai however, wasn't as lucky and fell all the way down, a la Wile E. Coyote, complete with a giant splash as he hit the lake below.

"GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY!" Lee screamed at the top of his lungs. He quickly jumped back to the top of the cliff and started running through the streets screaming, "Help! Help! Might Guy just fell off the top of the cliff, and he could be mortally wounded, and it could put an end to his super hero days!"

Everybody looked at each other, and then broke into cheers and applause.

Lee didn't hear them though, because he running to the one person who would help him. Eventually he found the place, and knocked the door down.

"NURSE!!!!!!!"

Needless to say, every head in the hospital turned to our helmet-wearing hero.

"Oh, no. You _again_?!" the nurse from the previous chapter groaned.

"You have to come quickly! Might Guy and I got into a bicycle accident, and he fell into a lake at the bottom of a really steep cliff, and it is all going to be on the six o'clock news!" Lee explained frantically, right up in the nurse's face.

"Why am I not surprised?" she asked sarcastically. "All right, take me to him."

XXX

"There! There! There!" Lee shouted, jumping up and down, pointing at the unconscious Gai who had washed up at shore.

The nurse's eyes widened as she looked at the five hundred foot cliff above, and then at Gai, but mostly at the feminine pink bicycle just aways off.

"Help him! Help him!" Lee cried, running around in circles.

The nurse started banging the ground next to Gai's ear, and started yelling, mostly, "You freakin' idiot! What the hell were you thinking?!", to try to wake him up. No response. She checked for breathing: nothing. Lee had only one thing to say.

"CPR! CPR!" he shouted.

The nurse looked at Gai and shuddered. She considered telling Lee that there was nothing that she could do for him, but she decided against it. _They just simply __**do not**__ pay me enough._

It took every ounce of will power that poor woman had not to throw up as she began mouth to mouth. After a while, Gai regained consciousness.

_Thanks heavens __**that**__ torture's over,_ the nurse thought, as she pulled away and made a mental note to buy a large bottle of Listerine later.

Gai's eyes widened. "Wow. I never knew you felt that way about me . . . "

"That does it!" the nurse screamed, stomping away. "I am_ so_ taking tomorrow off!"

"Call me!" Gai called after her.

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**A/N: And that concludes this week's exciting adventure of "The Adventures of Might Guy!" Will the nurse get her day off?! Will Gai sell the Maybe Mobile for scrap?! Will Lee stop screaming?! Tune in next time to find out, and for another exciting adventure! Please review!**


	5. Wooing the Nurse

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. But I do own the Nurse. Go me!

**A/N: Hey, everybody! I apologize for the wait (I moved.), and please enjoy this next installment of The Adventures Of Might Guy!**

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Gai was as happy as happy could be. He was on top of the world. He was on cloud nine.

All because he fell off of a cliff.

"Oh, Neji, my youthful student!" Gai cried the next day. "Isn't it wonderful to be alive?"

"Lee!" Neji called as he got a soda out from the fridge. "What has Gai-sensei accomplished lately?"

"Nothing is wrong, my youthful student," Gai replied, sounding like he was just itching to say more.

Neji took a swig of his soda. _Do not show emotion, he will never shut up then._

"I was just kissed full on the lips yesterday!"

Neji spit out the entire mouthful of Pepsi. "B-by a girl?!"

Gai flashed his trademark nice guy pose. "Yep!"

Neji fainted. Mostly because he and TenTen had bet against Lee that Gai could never be kissed by a girl, and they had said if it ever happened, they'd buy Lee ramen for a year, and Neji would shave his head.

TenTen heard the thud and ran in. "What happened to Neji?!"

"He fainted," Gai simply stated.

"Why?!"

"I was telling him about a joyous moment that happened yesterday, and I guess he couldn't take it," Gai explained.

"What was this joyous moment of yours?" TenTen asked.

"Well, I was . . . _swimming _in a lake, when all of a sudden, I lost consciousness, and the next thing I knew, a beautiful nurse from above was kissing me!" Gai shouted.

"Are you sure that wasn't CPR?" TenTen questioned, thanking the heavens that the bet was still in her and Neji's favour.

"What is this CPR?" Gai asked.

"It's a life-saving technique involving artificial breathing," TenTen explained.

"She saved my life?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Gai smiled. "She must really like me . . . "

"See you later, Gai-sensei," TenTen said as she dragged Neji out of the room, not wanting to get involved.

"Lee!" Gai shouted.

Lee ran in and saluted. "Yes, Gai-sensei!"

"We're going on a field trip," Gai began. "Quick, act like you're dying!"

Lee was confused. "D-dying?"

"Yes! Pretend that you're dying!"

"Well . . . I will try . . . " He cleared his throat and began making choking and coughing sounds. He fell to the ground saying, "Gai-sensei . . . I can see the light!"

"That's brilliant Lee!" Gai remarked, giving him a thumb's up. "Now get into your Could Lad costume!"

"Woo-hoo!" Lee shouted. He got off the floor and ran to his room. Five seconds later, he jumped out in his super attire. "Let us roll."

XXX

"Okay, Could Lad. Just like we rehearsed it," Gai told Lee outside the hospital.

"Yosh!"

Gai scooped Lee up and kicked the hospital door open. "NURSE!!" He screamed. "My sidekick is in need of medical assistance!"

Lee reached up slowly. "I – I can see the light!"

The Nurse turned around to face the secretary and pointed at Gai. "See?! I told you so!"

The secretary's eyes widened as her jaw dropped in disbelief. "Wasn't he on the six o'clock news last night?"

"Please! Nurse my sidekick back to health!" Gai said to the Nurse.

"First of all, even though your kid is a lost cause in the head, he's physically fine. Secondly, leave me alone!"

"Resistance means that she wants to date you, but she's scared!" Lee exclaimed from Gai's arms. "I mean – Ah! The pain!"

"Scared?! Why?!" Gai asked. "Is there evil around?!"

"Look! I don't want to date you! Seriously!"

"Resistance to Might Guy's charm is futile!"

"Maybe you should take that day off," the Secretary suggested.

"Thank you!" the Nurse cried before grabbing her purse and heading towards the door, only to be stopped by Gai.

"The streets _might_ be full of crime!" he announced. "Shall I walk you home?"

"No, thank you. I'll take my chances."

Suddenly, Konoha's Team Seven walked through the door, Sasuke's head, shoulders, and arms scratched terribly.

"What happened?!" the Secretary cried.

"Well, you see, we were walking along a street when suddenly, a cat fell from the sky and started tearing up Sasuke's head," Kakashi explained cooly.

"It was so funny! Sasuke screams just like a girl!" Naruto laughed just before Sakura hit him over the head.

Gai flinched slightly, wondering if it was the same cat that he and Lee tried to get out of a tree, but somehow the tree turned into a catapult and sent poor Mr. Bojangles flying into next week. Or onto Sasuke's head in this case.

"Well, I'm just about to leave, but – "

"Hey; isn't that my old football helmet?!" Kakashi asked, looking directly at Lee's head, forgetting all about Sasuke.

"No . . . " Gai replied, turning away.

"Yes, it is! 'Cause that's that's the dent that it got when I threw it at your head!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, considering that I am Might Guy and we have never met before."

"Gai, I know it's you," Kakashi stated, crossing his arms. "Give me back my football helmet."

"What makes you so sure that it's _your_ helmet? It _might_ be mine! I was a member of the football team too, you know! I mean, who's this 'Gai' you speak of?"

"You were the equipment manager! You didn't get a helmet!"

"I _might_ have been keeping it safe from _crime_!"

"What crime?! And you call yourself a super hero?! This is nothing but a cardboard mask and a beach towel!"

"Creepy Towel Guy's here?!"

"That is _Might _Guy! Gah! The pain!"

"This is ridiculous," Sasuke, Sakura, the Nurse, and the Secretary all said in unison.

"Come on, I'll fix you up," the Nurse said to Sasuke before leading him into a room.

"And I say a monkey _can_ pick up jock straps better than you!"

The Nurse sighed in annoyance before she brought out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and started cleaning Sasuke's wounds.

"Help! Help! Might Guy! I am being attacked!"

Although the Nurse knew with every fibre of her being that she would regret it later, she stuck her head out of the door to see what in the world was going on.

To explain everything briefly, Kakashi had Lee in a headlock trying to get his helmet back, but Lee was putting up a good fight, Gai was trying to pry Kakashi's fingers off of Lee's head, Naruto was cheering and going on about dessert ramen again when his attention span gave out, Sakura was yelling, and the Secretary was throwing pens at them trying to get them to be quiet. The poor Nurse couldn't take it anymore.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed. "And unless you're truly dying, get out! Before I start throwing chairs and tables at people!"

"What about Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

The Nurse walked back into the room where she left Sasuke, and started shoving him out as he still clutched the bottle of medicine in his hand. "You can keep it! Just go!"

The group all charged outside in a nervous fashion.

"Remind me to never get hurt, okay guys?" Naruto said.

Suddenly, Gai jumped on top of a nearby bench and pointed at Kakashi. "Hatake Kakashi; I declare you my arch enemy of evil and darkness!"

"I really don't care," he said, pulling out a Make Out Paradise novel.

"Come, Could Lad! To The Secret Fortress of Justice and Youth!"

"Wasn't it just 'youth' before?" Lee asked, chasing after Gai down the street.

"Yes, but names change! Look at David Bowie! Or Blondie!"

"Ingenious!" Lee exclaimed, writing it down in his worn out notebook. "May I please suggest something for the hideout's name?"

"Ask away, my youthful sidekick!"

"Green Jumpsuit Apparatus!"

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**A/N: Man, this is my longest chapter yet! I hope you all liked it! Please review!** **It'll make me happy!**


	6. Getting Back The Football Helmet

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto for the up-teenth time.

**A/N: This has to be the first chapter where the main trouble isn't (completely) caused be Gai and Lee.**

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Now, normally in Konoha, one o'clock in the morning is a peaceful place, save for a couple of parties involving Sake consumption and a Harvest Moon game (Cops were called; it scarred them all). The peace could also be most destroyed in such a way of breaking and entering just like our good friends from Team 7.

Now, why were they doing this? You see, Kakashi decided that he really wanted his old football helmet back and was too lazy to get it himself. After all, why would you do anything yourself when you have three able-bodied children on your hands? Being thus, he told his three students to break into Gai's apartment and get back the helmet.

"How are we supposed to do that?!" Naruto had said. "What if he sees us?!"

The sensei's response: "Hey, he's gotta sleep sometime."

So here the students were, heading off to Gai's apartment walking as carefully as they could considering the fact that poor Naruto was dragging a fifteen-foot ladder across the road, making a terrible scraping noise as it did so.

"There's one thing I don't get though," Naruto shouted over he noise of the ladder. "I thought Creepy Towel Guy had Kakashi-sensei's helmet. Why are we going to Gai-sensei's apartment?"

Sasuke and Sakura both groaned.

"Because Creepy Towel Guy _is_ Gai-sensei!" Sakura yelled at the blond-haired baka before she hit him over the head yet again.

Naruto's eyes widened. "No way!" How'd you figure _that_ out?!"

"It took days of grueling research," Sakura replied in a deadpan tone of voice. "I almost gave up hope."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't! Or I never would have figured it out!"

'Somehow I can believe that," Sasuke suddenly put in. "And stop dragging that ladder around. You'll wake half of Konoha up."

"Humph! Fine then!" Naruto dropped the ladder (The sound was unbelievable.) and made some quick hand signs so that a few dopplegangers appeared. They picked up the ladder with relative ease and ran through the streets chanting, "Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!"

"Now _that's _gonna wake up half of Konoha," Sasuke said.

Meanwhile, at Gai's apartment, Gai and Lee had just finished their twelfth game of Scrabble (Why they were playing Scrabble, nobody knew. They did know that YOUTH showed up on the board at least four times each round though.) When they finally realized what time it was.

"Gai-sensei! It is one-seventeen!" Lee cried out, pointing at the clock.

"Well, there is only one thing we can do now," Gai announced, sounding grave, unaware that Team 7 had already propped the ladder up against the (correct) window and Naruto was looking in.

"Bury the evidence?"

Naruto's jaw dropped and his eyes widened in horror. "Holy crap! They killed a guy!" he shouted down to Sakura and Sasuke.

"Shut up! They'll hear you!" Sakura hissed back at him as she shook the ladder violently.

"Yes, Lee, that too, but most importantly . . . WE MUST HAVE A SLEEPOVER PARTY!!" Gai shouted dramatically.

"Oh boy, Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted almost as loud. "This will be great! We can watch movies, swap manly stories and most importantly, STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!"

The groans from Team 7 scored an eleven out of ten on the complain scale.

"Last time I believe _anything _Kakashi-sensei says," Naruto declared. "'He's gotta sleep sometime,' my butt!"

"That's it . . . . They're just not human!"

"But first to get rid of that evidence!" Lee said.

"Guys! They're gonna throw the body out!" Naruto shouted. "Get the ANBU on hold! This is – "

Suddenly, a fruitcake came sailing out of the window, hitting Naruto in the face which made Naruto come crashing down on Sasuke's head, his arms flailing about. (This _was_ a fruitcake after all.)

"The evidence that I cannot bake to save my youthful life!"

Sakura poked at it cautiously with her foot as if it would spring to life and bite her ankle at any given moment. " . . . It's like, one step away from being a brick," she declared as Sasuke continued to struggle to get the ladder and Naruto off of himself.

"Don't worry Lee," Gai said as he tried to be compassionate. "Nobody likes fruitcakes anyway."

"Then why do they exist?" Lee asked.

"To make the garbage smell nice on the Christmas holidays!" Gai explained.

"And to beat the poor guy who's heartless sensei sent him out on a retrieval mission," Naruto added to himself right before Sasuke finally managed to kick the ladder back up against the wall. However, Lee and Gai had disappeared.

"Hey! They're gone!"

"Well, then get in there and get the helmet!" Sakura ordered as she shook the ladder again, more violently this time.

"Okay! Okay! Okay!" Naruto agreed as he clung onto the ladder for dear life. As soon as he stopped shaking, he opened up the window and stepped inside. However, the point of why he was in the apartment to begin with was lost as he noticed a ramen cup sitting all by its lonesome in an open cupboard. He took it out immediately, added some water and put it in the microwave. Then he began to search for some strawberry ice cream and chocolate chips . . . .

"Naruto is that you?"

Naruto turned around to see Rock Lee in the doorway as he stared quizzically at him. Naruto was just about to make a totally lame excuse when he heard music blaring from the other room. "What movie are you watching in there?"

"'Robin Hood: Men in Tights'. Gai-sensei had this wonderful idea that we should have a Mel Brooks marathon toni– " He was stopped short be Naruto's arms around him.

"You are now officially my sworn brother, Bushy Brows!" Naruto exclaimed. "Can I stay here tonight?!"

"If you let me go and let me breathe I will go and ask Gai-sensei, but I cannot see a reason as to why you could not." As soon as Lee had said it, Naruto took off like a shot and landed himself on the couch in the next room.

"Oh, hello Rival Kakashi's student, Naruto!" Gai chirped happily. "Are you a Mel Brooks fan, too?"

"Believe it!"

An hour later, Sasuke and Sakura were still waiting outside and to make things even worse, it had started to rain. Hard.

"What is taking him so long?!" Sakura shouted. "He should have been out ages ago!"

"The idiot probably got sidetracked," Sasuke said before he sneezed. "If I get a cold sitting out here, he's going to know the full power of my sharingan!"

"Well, I'm going after him," Sakura decided as she started to climb up the ladder. After she stepped inside and looked around, she could have killed him.

"Naruto, what are you doing?!" she screamed at the sight of her teammate sitting on a couch watching DVDs as he was _warm and dry._

Naruto crossed his arms and turned away in pout. "Obviously, Kakashi-sensei does not know the true meaning of 'sleepover spirit'."

"I'll show you 'sleepover spirit'!" Sakura shouted as she punched Naruto into a wall.

"Sakura, take it easy!" Lee said. "Would you like something to drink? Make yourself at home."

Sakura sighed. _Well, _that _mission's blown right out of the water,_ she thought. "Aw, why not?"

After a couple of movies, a thought suddenly hit Naruto. "Hey, Sakura? Are we forgetting something?"

'Well, now that you mention it . . . . "

Outside, Sasuke was dripping wet, blue and shivering. Sakura has went inside to get Naruto hours ago, but neither of them returned yet. At the end of his rope, he decided to take matters into his own hands and climbed up the Ladder of No Return himself.

Cutting straight to the chase, he bagan to look for helmet that Kakashi had been to lazy to get himself. He didn't even need to look hard, because they had managed to hide it in the most obvious place ever.

The helmet was "cleverly" disguised as the lump under Gai's blanket.

"Those two raise the bar on the term 'village idiots'," he said to no one in particular as he tucked the helmet under his arm. However, a certain spandex wearing teenager wearing a black mask was standing in front of him as he stood back up. "Oh, great," he said dryly.

"And just where do you think you are going with that helmet?" Lee asked, unimpressed.

Sasuke pointed behind him. "Look! Sakura's staring at you with big shoujo manga eyes!" he shouted.

Lee turned around, eyes wide. "Really?! Wait! She's not there! Sasuke – " But he was already gone as the breeze from the nearest open window moved the curtains around. Lee was out the window in that same second.

As he chased down Sasuke through the streets screaming at the top of his lungs as Sasuke shouted back, "Never!" they actually _did _wake up half of Konoha.

"Hey! Be quiet out there!" one man had demanded.

"Don't make me come out there!"

"Just wait 'til I call your parents!"

Hearing this, the boys both stopped and started crying.

"Why are you crying, Lee?" Sasuke asked between sobs. 'Don't you have parents?"

'I don't know!" Lee wailed. "They never showed up in the series yet! You'd think there would have been a parent-teacher interview or something, but there's nothing! All the kids used to say that they left because I couldn't use chakura."

"My dad always liked Itachi better and then Itachi killed everyone!"

"I know! Every other flashback is about the Uchiha Clan Massacre!"

"At least you have Gai-sensei! I have nobody!"

"You have Naruto!" Lee reminded him. "And Kakashi-sensei, and Sakura!"

'Yeah, but it's not the same!"

"I know!"

Suddenly, the door to a nearby house opened and the Nurse Who Cannot Seem To Get A Chapter's Peace Anymore stepped out. "What's the matter out there?!"

"We're depraved on account we're deprived!" Lee and Sasuke declared in unison.

The Nurse sighed. "Well, you might as well come inside and calm down. Have you both been out all night? It's almost dawn!"

"Uh-huh," Lee said as they walked into the Nurse's house. To prove it, he hadn't walked five steps inside before he said, "Oh, waiter? Check please," and hit the floor, passed out. Sasuke followed suit a second afterwards.

The Nurse looked at the two boys asleep on her floor (as the helmet was tucked under Sasuke's arm) and pinched her nose in annoyance. "Why does always happen to me?" Suddenly, she had a strong urge to go to the nearest liquor store and come back with a fair amount of sake. "I wonder if this is how Lady Tsunade got that way."

An hour or so later there was a loud banging on the front door. She opened it to find Kakashi and Gai there. The urge to get wasted was stronger than ever now.

"We lost our students!" Gai explained hysterically. "Are they here?!"

"Yes, they are," the Nurse replied in a voice that sounded like she was trying not to yell at him. She walked over to where Lee and Sasuke slept (which was still in the middle of the living room floor), picked them up by the collars of their shirt/spandex, and threw them at Kakashi and Gai. "Keep 'em off my property and outta my hair," she grumbled threateningly. Then she slammed the door in their faces and mumbled something along the lines of "restraining order," and "God, I need a drink," under her breath.

"I think she likes me," Gai boasted to Kakashi.

Now in the history of the world there have been five screams that were the most agonizing, the most painful, the most bone-chilling. The one that the Nurse let out at that point had left them all behind.


End file.
